likealion

let’s call it regret

I did everything you wanted, but it wasn’t enough-to keep you in my sight. And you know I’m right. I live for this rejection and put up with your perfection. But I’m up all night. And you know I’m right. I don’t want to be the center of attention for all of your late night conversations. The dial tone is all you’ll be hearing through the telephone. Wait for this to break in two. I’ve caught a lie-you’ve got a clue. Its all your fault. Its always your fault. Don’t call me pretentious, “princess”. I never saw you coming. You know its what you wanted. All your self-sufficient, poor excuses didn’t back you up. I figure, what I’ve got isn’t what you want. Tie my fingers tight with string just to remind me not to think of you at night. Because I only fight with my consciousness-and subconscious thinking. Then I rationalize these useless thoughts that I am feeling. And the finest line divides a night well spent-from a waste of time. You’ve got me wrapped around your finger now, but I don’t want to be. Its just too tight for me. And you paint me black with your fictitious lack of self-esteem….you’re so sweet.

Free ride

Pick a focal point. Fix on it. Don’t fucking blink. And watch the world around it quake and shatter to vibrate and distort your mind. For I have felt the closeness of a lie. This is an all too familiar feeling. The tainted soul that crawls into my pores and scalps every thought of encouragement to flee. The warmth of its body next to my chest when I pretend to lull- I feel a sickening rightness. Perhaps the warmth of an illusion feels so close to perfect because I am so now hardened. Cold blooded. And as narrow minded as a tyrant. I choose to flock my thoughts towards the left of things, and internally focus on the dark. Yet, stay calm and allow my skin to still singe when hit by the light. The poison I am an addict to is barely superficial. The flaws flake from the inside. They damper my muse. The pulling is adamant to my lungs and I stay gasping for air. Gaping holes show my insides and I am unnoticeably counting down, quietly keeping score and marking the days for when it all explodes. You took me for a ride. And I danced with Satan. So much so, I’ve become her accomplice. Enjoy the small things. The night terrors, the sweats from anxieties, and the shaking of hands when found you’ve ruled anothers mind. The torn bonds and broken seals. Yet, I love it so. My scars and tears, sweat-and enduring the pain. I would not trade for the great awakening itself. My love can prove nothing more than its already shown. I have fought the great fight, and lost repeatedly. By no other actions but your own. I loved you deep deep. Like the ocean. And like the ocean-I shall be.